[NOTE: I came back to post and decided to unfurl the past.SEEbottomof vv
Today most likely marks the golden anniversary of a "prophetic" fulfillment. A repudiation that signaled and sealed my emotional doom. I am sour I know, bitter and dour. I am only thinking of myself, despite my claiming to love you. Yet that is the paradox: for what is the sunny, golden anniversary of your unbroken relationship with the one who has you given joy unceasing (your joy being my supposedly stated objective in life and only interest) is the dark reality that it is not me: cast forever instead into unending isolation - as foretold. Fifty years ago, that coincidental prophecy came to pass; that run of coincidences with the force of prophecy unfolded.
It was his cousin who this day five decades ago, announced the shocking news. To the utter surprise of everyone, you had rejected every last one of your paramours vying for your hand for a youth straight out left field a kid! several years your junior - the woman hater, the one formerly wanting nothing whatsoever to do with women! His cousin could scarcely believe he went after the one female most prized and won. He the boy and fresh out the gate. He the woman hater.
It still hurts and wildly to this day. It is an albatross I will never loose from my neck until I am brain dead. Your joy is at my sorrow. It can't be helped. It just is. You have done no wrong whatsoever. Again, it just is. I am the collateral damage. There is no sin. There is no escape short of complete memory loss or physical death. Again,..
| Courtesy of ChatGPT It was the darkest day of my life. The rest is just fallout. |
Should I detail the exact events of that day? Doing so will only get me into a deep funk. I’d only be rubbing salt into the wound, still fresh five decades past . I know what happened, even though you, the reader, don’t. Believe me, the sky came crashing down, and I am still buried alive. The golden day for her was my coffin. The joy she remembers, spelled my being forgotten - forever. Maybe one day, I’ll describe what exactly it was that transpired, but for now I can only speak of the unavoidable pain. The consequence that kills, that dashes, and can’t see you. It is what it is.
-FIN-
Six and a half years earlier, in January of 1970, as I was sweetly wrapping your present for your sixteenth birthday, a family member with a clairvoyant reputation came up to me. No no uncertain term, she proceeded to tell me of the pointlessness of my intent, action, and gift. I would never woo or win you they said, least of all that way. However, changing my approach would be to no avail irregardless, for the person for whom you would fall, would be my total opposite, with respect to my ardor, someone wholly antithetical to all that I was.
Then came the breakdowns of the person in question, a brief list of their attributes ending with most notable: a complete disdain and aversion to all women.
You had scores of suitors and it was none of them. Who then?
Like cold water, I knew at once. That could only be…
And it was.
A child, barely thirteen. Who “hated” women, and just that
very week in the tight physical confines of an automobile crawled over me in order to escape having your younger sister, his cousin best friend, sit next to him.
Like the fantasy film character, Pelias, warned by the goddess Hera to watch out for the man with one sandal (‘Jason, and the Argonauts like out of a Greek tragedy
I am definitely overplaying the facts stretching to near exaggeration. But it is all in an effort to merely hint at the impact and pain
Did the supernatural occur? I think not? Was it pure coincidence? A uncanny series of them (of which there were many more and I have only enumerated two or three). Definitely,
My contention however is this. Even, if was all pure accident, it had all the same exact effect!
I did wait. I did watch. Looking out for the very one I was told to replace me.
More than that he had dream I was told was a fantasy and that I was a fool to believe in chase after and ever hope for and myself - you indeed it turns out were his very first love and date.
He was also the top of his class, the first in life in his field.
I was never accomplished at anything.
Not that your love is earned. It’s that he had you and everything else to boot on top of that. What am I? That’s right - cut glass. Only my one little love.
[-POST UNDER CONSTRUCTION-] [-PUC-] [+TAGS]


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