This is it.
I seem to passing one milestone after another lately. In a little over a month from now, I will be observing yet another golden anniversary. However, I just recently passed a milestone I almost overlooked. Had a thought not occurred to me forty years ago, none of these other landmarks would I have reached.
"If I die now, the improbable will become impossible."
On the fourth of December 1984, defeated in love, and distressed at my employment prospects (I had gotten myself fired a year and a day earlier) I took a lethal overdose of sleeping pills and was waiting for the effect to set in.
It wasn't immediate as I had imagined.
That's when the aforementioned thought I hadn't considered, with respect to unrequited love, crossed my mind.
Needless to say the suicide attempt was aborted as I walked myself over to San Francisco General Hospital (which was just across the street) for emergency treatment.
I have now lived more decades since that moment of crisis than I had leading up to it. This then is the greater half..
As for my troth and my chances...
At present, my hope is still improbable and one day, it will be rendered impossible, but I will let life do the final turning of the page and closing of the book. It will not be my own hand, for all hope requires is but the barest improbability to persist.
Dying only cements ill fate - forever.
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